Nineteen. A lot of my blog has focused on me turning and then being nineteen. I was very positive on my birthday. I posted and said some things about this year being the best one yet. Sure, there's nothing wrong with being optimistic, but let me tell you...nineteen has been weird. Super weird. There's been the ups...and the downs...and a bunch of stuff I regret. There's been hellos and goodbyes. There's been lonely nights. Plenty of times I've just cried really hard. There was one time I was almost positive I could feel God's arm around me. Days I wish I didn't exist.
I want to change. I want to be perfect. I want to fit in. I want to be accepted. But I guess that's not the right basis for change. But then I want to be myself. I want to relax. I want to just be me...but wiser.
I want to grow closer to God. But I don't want to do that because I feel pressured to in order to be accepted by other people.
I want to quit feeling this way. How do I quit feeling this way?
There's one thing I know. God is always there. He needs to be my Best Friend. I need to want Him for the right reasons. He loves me. He will use everything for my good.
Lord, draw me nearer.
I hope next time will be more encouraging.
Love,
Sydney
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